I know what's gonna happen
I'll try to go to bed
With fear of failure flapping like a fruit bat in my head
I'll sleep for half an hour
The clock will ring at six
I'll wake up in the shower with a stomach full of bricks
So I won't have any breakfast
Maybe just a little tea
Like when you have to go and get a colonoscopy
Which incidentally isn't half
As disconcerting or upsetting
As going for a part you know there is no way that you are getting
我知道會怎麼發展
而我會試著入睡
但失敗的恐懼伴隨如蝙蝠振翅打臉
我會睡個一時半載
鬧鐘六點鐘響起來
起床洗澡眼睛才能睜開肚子沉重像是塞了磚塊
所以我先不吃早餐
也許喝點茶
像是要去做定期直腸探勘
但比起面試的折磨和不安
挖大腸又根本不及一半
因為你知道入選根本難上加難
But anyway I'm heading
Downtown for the audition
Where everything I'm dreading will be coming to fruition
And here's what's gonna happen
I'll walk in weak with hunger
And there's a dozen girls who look like me but ten years younger
I'll go into the bathroom
And I'll try to vocalize
And I'll be singing "minga-minga-minga-minga-ming"
But I'll be hearing Sandy sucks
She really sucks, she really, really, really blows
And she's old, and she's lame and then someone calls my name
但我仍然出了門
到城內參加甄選
我所害怕的那一切都可能會成真
我告訴你啥會發生
我餓又虛弱的到場
有十幾個女孩每個都比我年輕十多歲
我走進化妝間
先試著暖聲
我會開始唱著媽咪妹謀母
但我只會聽到爛死了
她真的好爛，真的真的真的搞砸了
她又老，又糟糕然後有人叫我的名字
And here's what happens
I'll walk into the room
The gross fluorescent lighting is inviting as a tomb
And everybody smiles
They'll say its good to see ya
But all I see is judges and they'll all look like Scalia
然後就會這樣發展
我會走進甄選室
蒼白的螢光燈管好像邀請鬼入室
每個人都在微笑
每個人都說高興看到妳
但我只看到好像大法官的評審
And then a little banter as they look me up and down
And somewhere through the fog of insecurity and hate
I'll try to convince them that I'm charming
And I'm clever and I'm fun to have around
當他們上下打量細聲說笑
撥開霧中的心虛和恨意
我試圖說服他們我的迷人
我很聰明，也很有趣
But I'm starting to unravel
In my head I hear the gavel
但我卻開始崩解
腦裡聽見法官木槌
Guilty!
有罪!
They're gonna throw the book at me 'cuz I'm
Guilty!
他們快把劇本摔到我身上了因為我
有罪!
Of coming in and wasting all their time
Guilty!
來這裡浪費所有人的時間
有罪!
Of almost every other showbiz crime
Not young enough!
Not thin enough!
Not pretty enough!
Not good enough!
還觸犯了所有演藝圈的犯行
不夠年輕
不夠苗條
不夠漂亮
不夠好！
We hereby sentence you to a lifetime of
waiting tables and debilitating self-loathing
我們宣判妳終身服務員
永世抬不起頭只能自我厭惡
But wait no someone's asking
So can we hear your voice?
I make a lame attempt at humor: Do I have a choice?
但等等，不，有人想問
我們能聽妳唱歌嗎
我回了彆腳玩笑：我還能說不嗎？
I nod at the pianist
He's always wearing black
He's always in a turtleneck with dandruff on his back
我對著鋼琴伴奏點頭
他們永遠都會穿黑色
他們永遠都會穿高領，背上永遠有頭皮屑
No sooner do I get my note
And open up my trap
Then inevitably some mealy-mouthed assistant director's
Thumbs are all over his iPhone
And I know he's probably tweeting
LOL, This girl is crap
She's a fake
She's a phony
She could never win a Tony
但我才剛要開始唱
第一個音符
不可避免有個塞滿食物的助理導演
滑著他的iPhone
搞不好在發推說
老天要笑死我這女的跟屎一樣
有夠假，吹牛皮
永遠都贏不了東尼
I now live in a place I know quite well
I've left the world, and I've entered hell
所以我進到一個熟悉的區域
離開這個世界，抵達了地獄
I'm this far away from a fainting spell
But just before I die
I finish a song which I oversell
我差一點就要昏厥
但在我死之前，我還是過度詮釋了整首歌
Somebody says thanks
And wishes me well
The next thing I know I'm at Taco Bell
Stuffing my face with meat
有人對我說謝謝
祝我一切順利
然後我已身在Taco Bell滿臉碎肉四溢
I'm trying to take it slowly
I'm trying to be my best
I'm trying to be more holy
Less bitter and depressed
我試著慢慢來
我試著展現最好依面
我試著保有信念
少點挖苦或憂鬱雜念
I'm reading Eckhart Tolle
He makes a lot of sense
I bought a Buddhist bowl
He says he it helps you be less tense
我讀了Eckhart Tolle
他的文字感覺有道理
我還買了一個佛缽
他說這會減少壓力幫上我
It doesn't do a thing for me
I sit there on the floor
I watch a vivid sequence
Of humiliating instances from my past go by
這最好是有用啦！
我頹坐在地上
我看到清晰又充滿汙辱的人生走馬燈
And think what kind of masochist
Keeps coming back for more
When she knows what's gonna happen
'Cuz it never doesn't happen
'Cuz it always, always
想想看你要多麼的喜歡被虐
才會願意這樣輪迴
這個人早就知道會怎麼發展
因為從來都沒有不這樣發展
她總是，總是
No! I know what's gonna happen
Don't tell me that I don't
And don't say that I'll rise to
The occasion 'cuz I won't
不我知道會怎麼發展
別告訴我它不會
也別說我將有一天
會突破因為我不能
And don't say I've got talent
And don't say I've got heart
And don't say that I'm clever
'Cuz I know I'm pretty smart
I'm smart enough to know that I'm too stupid to admit
也別說我有才華
也別說我人善良
也別說我很聰明
因為我知道我不笨
我剛好夠聰明知道我太蠢才不願承認
You can't survive a diet
That consists of eating shit
The trick is knowing when it's time to pack your bags
刻苦耐勞控制飲食也不該一直吃屎
秘訣就在知道甚麼時候要打包走人
And say "that's it!"
說，夠了！
You know what's gonna happen
I know what's gonna happen
Here's what's gonna happen
I quit!
I quit!
I quit!
你知道會怎麼發展
我知道會怎麼發展
會這樣發展
我不幹了！
我不幹了！
我不幹了！